Cranberry's Tea Time

03:43 pm: Yesterday I went on a walk and at one point on that walk I felt like a human being. I did not feel like a teacher, wife, friend, daughter, consumer. It was liberating. I almost always experience my life in terms of who I am in my community, family, etc. But for that brief moment I was just a person walking. A moment of being.

05:22 pm: One thing that surprised me today while watching the inauguration coverage was how so many people were saying they never thought an African American would become president. Am I the only person in America who thought from when I was a little kid this was possible? I understand people who lived through the civil rights movement thinking that but why would people my age be so negative?

02:10 pm: Listen to your heart and proceed with confidence.

01:52 pm: I heard the most bizarre-frightening thing on the BBC on NPR today. Some woman from PA was talking about how Bush was a fabulous Christian (I lack opinion on that.). Further she was saying the world community, especially Europe, was against him because of his Christianity. Wow! Do people out there really think that? Maybe I am off base but it seems to me that this mindset is delusional. I don't even know what to say.

06:36 pm: This might sound trivial to you but it represents a major shift in thinking to me. The last week or so I have been feeling "fat". Today I was finally feeling "thin". I was thinking about all this while I was on the recumbent bike at the gym and realized "fat" wasn't very accurate and that "bloated" is more accurate.

05:29 pm: I prefer the aesthetic to the efferent. Let me explain. The efferent is the facts. The aesthetic is the feeling of being in it. For example currently I am reading a novel I LOVE. I looked up some book reviews of it on line from very reputable sources. I was very disappointed by the reviews. They retell the story arch and critique the technical aspects of the book (the efferent). I expected reviews to have that and I was already aware of the technical flaws in the tome but I was so let down that these high brow reviewers never bothered getting into what the book is about. They really glossed over it and nit picked trivial things. I believe the critics missed the whole point of the novel. It would be like reading ee cummings and commenting on the lack of punctuation and capitals and not venturing any further.

05:24 pm: I took a workshop about interdisciplinary teaching. I learned some stuff and networked but I came to realize the facilitator had me confused with someone else. I made no attempt to clear up this misunderstanding and I am trying to figure out why. I found it amusing that the misunderstanding occurred. I do however hope to do other workshops with this person so it would be a good idea to clear this up but I found it entertaining. I guess I am just odd.

On a completely different topic I think I worry about things I can't control because I don't want to make changes in my life. I know. Could I be more cryptic?

05:22 pm: Is it just me? Nothing can put me in a worse mood for the whole day than waking up after a bad dream. This morning I woke up after I finished a dream where people were yelling at me and totally not on my side. It took me a long time to shake it.

Also I wish I was really excited about something in life. One of my students was showing me some sketches of clothes and jewelry she had designed and she was so excited about it. Another student was very concerned his drawing wasn't coming out well enough for his standards and was really picking my brain to help him achieve. I just don't have that passion about anything.

I have been reading a book that I really like. More than really like. I very much identify with the book. As a result I have slowed down reading it. One because I don't want it to end. Two because I fear the ending will not be very good and then I will truly be disappointed. Is that weird?

05:14 pm: I have a pet peeve with dog owners who are inconsiderate of others. I understand you love your dog very much. I am glad you love your dog very much. I on the other hand do not love you dog at all. I probably don't even like your dog. He is not in my pack and is therefore my rival. :) Back to my point. Why do some dog owners think allowing their dog to bother other people is okay? Some specifics. Dogs shitting on my lawn. Allowing dogs to bark for hours on end. (Oh, I am used to it. That bothers you?) Dogs being allowed to jump on me and or like me. Tying dogs in front of business establishments while you run in to get something forcing every person entering the business to attempt to navigate their way in around your curious dog. I am unimpressed with their attempts at friendliness. I do not walk up to strangers and sniff their crotch or hug them and French kiss them. I am much more understanding of dogs at a persons house. That is where they live and if jumping is okay there I don't mind. I will hug random friends of friends and family members I have just met in the same situation so I will accept the same from a dog. Why do strangers think I should assume their dog is friendly? Maybe you will judge me as a horrible person, you know those people who don't love every dog, but I think your pet needs to be kept under control and should not bother people, impeding their enjoyment of life.

03:52 pm: Now many people might view this post as after the fact but I think it is more relevant now than before the election. Democrats will control both the executive and legislative branches of government come January. I am looking to seeing if anything happens. Really. The cynical part of me thinks despite this power, which would indicate the ability of a party to deliver on their platform, that nothing much will happen besides declaring something whatever day and agreeing to study crap while people continue to be unemployed and underemployed and education stays a joke and the environment and etc. I think you get the point. Deep down inside I hope to be proven dead wrong but I doubt it. I am looking for the goods to be delivered.

06:11 pm: My mother in law passed away at 6am this morning. We knew last night she would go soon. It's a bit funny that everyone, my father in law, brother in law, husband, and I all woke up last night and couldn't sleep after. Very tiring day but feeling fortunate to have loving family and glad to be a help to my father in law.

03:12 pm: I saw the horizon today which hardly ever happens around here. I usually don't even bother looking for it since you can rarely see very far but every time I do see it it is a special moment. I feel up lifted, elated, hopefully. Transcendental or may be romantic.

I have been thinking about the cliche don't sweat the small stuff recently. I find as I get older I am less burdened by things I used to think are important and what is really important becomes much clearer to me. When I am feeling like this I have the optimistic thought of what while I be able to let go of when I am 50. How much freer will I be then.

05:45 pm: fooey fudge fart snot

04:28 pm: Definition of a best friend.  Someone you can call and wake up and they don't mind.  In the conversation you invite yourself over to which they only have positive response and when you arrive they buy you yummy dinner.

11:02 am: Sometimes I just don't know who I want to talk to about things.  Or maybe I just don't really want to talk about them...

08:58 pm: Caffeine makes children tolerable.  Me consuming caffeine, not the children.  That makes them worse.

Can people please try to be sane.  I am trying to be a positive ion.

03:42 pm: I have decided to be more positive this school year and I am succeeding but the work place is really trying to get me.  At the end of last year we had a union vote for president.  The incumbent lost by a lot.  Everyone thought the new guy is so great.  Well come to find out today he had been working all summer on a new contract with the school committee and is going to present it on Tuesday at a venue that I believe is too small for all the union members in order to see and vote on this new contract.  The old president wouldn't have done that.  He liked to keep the membership informed of goings on.  Of course I have no idea what this document says but my big concern is no one had any idea they had been negotiating.  Usually the union higher ups do polling to see what issues are important to the union members.  None of that this time.  I hope it doesn't come to a vote on Tuesday  because I have little faith that this back door deal is a good deal.  Never trust a politician (and that is what union presidents are).

06:14 pm: Numerous observations.

It seems like everyone I know is very anxious.  I wish people wouldn't be.  All that negative energy serves no positive purpose.  I wish I could brainstorm a more positive way for people to manifest that energy.  The world would be a better place if someone solved that.

Work starts next week.  I am working hard to be positive about it.  Sometime this summer I decided I think I am too negative about stuff and if I choose to look at things in a more positive light my life will be happier.  Not to say I won't try to change things that can be changed but I think I can try to be more flexible.  Things don't always have to be my way and the more you try to control things the less control you have.  Dig?

Sometimes objective 3rd parties can really help you solve problems that you are too inside of to be clear about.  Really that isn't as deep and cryptic as it sounds.)

One of my favorite things about this passed summer was I quieted down my brain.  Makes me think of Tori Amos "what's so amazing about really deep thoughts."

03:04 pm: My hair came out AWESOME today, shiny, curly, and just the right amount of volume.  Why doesn't my hair come out like this everyday?

08:40 am: Now my Mother in Law had a stroke.  She has been steadily improving since the event occurred but we do not yet know the extent of the damage.  Today she is supposed to have a whole bunch of tests and once those results come back we will know more (hopefully).